How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
Howe Jokes
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
How did the gay girl die? Homicide.
How do you fit 3 gay men on a bar stool?
Flip it upside down.
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
How are humans and computers different? A human doesn't have trouble shooting.
How do you beat Hellen Keller in musical chairs?
You move the chairs.
I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Hi, how are you?
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
