Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"
HI Jokes
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
Mikey don't clean his foreskin dude straight gay.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
The cat said hi.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
