HI jokes
What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
Carlost.
He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.
What runs faster than Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair?
His Internet.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
Where did Stephen Hawking spend most of his spare time?...
Currys PC World.
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
Hi, I'm Hi.
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"