HI jokes

Why does a duck have tail feathers?

To cover his butt-quack.

Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.

The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!

How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.

If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.

P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.

Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?

A: Carlos.

If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

Why couldn't the button get off the couch?

Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)

What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?

Mario Kart.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!

What did Santa use as a candy cane?

Wait, wait, I said it wrong.

Okay.

What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.

Hi Sean!

FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFDLLLUFF

Hi Bradyeeeeeeee!

Hi Trent!