Hes jokes
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.
Yo mama so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"