Hes jokes
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Why did Ross fall off the swing?
Because he had no arms.
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
Why did Billy drop his ice cream?
'Cause he got hit by a bus.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"