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Hes jokes

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.

You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?

Quack!

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."

Why did Billy not like the soccer ball he got for Christmas?

He has no legs...

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    • There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?

    Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.

    There is a Mexican sitting on a train.

    The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."

    The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.

    How did Stephen Hawking die?

    He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

    I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

    My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

    He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

    The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

    Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

    Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.