Why is Stephen Hawking an organ donor?
Because he saved 200 computers!
Hes Jokes
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
How did Jenson lose against a Cheetah?
Because he was a cheetah!
Why is Ollie so boring? He plays board games.
Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."
Jack and Jill went up my ass to eat a big dildo, but Jack died cause he got hit by a brown thing.
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want—he can’t hear you.
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?
First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!
If you play FNF, I play a game because he has two balls, boi.
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
