Herring jokes
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.
Memes
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Frankey.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?