Gastropod jokes

What card is the slowest and slimiest?

Ace-nail.

Why do the French eat snails?

They don't like fast food.

Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.

They both routinely place meat in small buns.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"