Gastropod jokes

What card is the slowest and slimiest?

Ace-nail.

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

Why do the French eat snails?

They don't like fast food.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.