DoS jokes
What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With Doritos!
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".