DoS jokes
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
What do you call a dick playing badminton?
A shuttlecock.
What do you call a band made of cheese?
Grate That!
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
What do you call a five year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
what do you call a retard smoking weed?
a baked potato.
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
How do you close a cabinet?
You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!