DoS jokes
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"
Blind guy says, "Just looking around."
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
What do you call a bad bull?
A bully.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?
Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Wait, no. It's too CHEESY!
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.