DoS jokes

How do you get ten babies in a bucket?

With a blender.

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

What state do miners hate?

Oregon.

What do cats eat for breakfast?

"Mice Krispies!"

What can you do for a magic house?

Make it fly!

What do you call a giraffe without a bowtie? Neck-ed.

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.

What do you call a school bus driver that cannot walk? A silly school bus driver!

Do you want to play Titanic?

When I say iceberg, you go down on me.

What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?

Royal-tea.

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.

"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"

"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."

If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?

What has tree roots and what do I have for kids? What is the difference between a human and a used tire?

Tree roots are under the tree, and used tires are under the Hummer.

What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

What do you call a tree 🌲 that is magic? A magic tree 🌳.

What do you call a magic car?

A human.

What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence!

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".