DoS jokes
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
A: “Wrap” music.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
What do chickens play in the pool? Marco Polo.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Police: *Arrests me*
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
What do you call funny waves? Wave Chappelle.
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.
What do you call an old snowman?
Answer: Water.
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dick tater.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What soda do mountains drink? Mountain Dew.
What do sheep hate?
Their enemies: goats!