DoS jokes
If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
what do you call a cow that fell?
Ground beef.
What do you call dolls in a line?
Barbie queuing.
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
What do you call a man with no toes?
No Toe Joe.
How do you know when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Do you know what my favorite time of day is?
6:30, hands down.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Friend: Do you think she likes me?
Me: Yah.
Friend: Really😀😀😀?
Me: Hell no.
Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."