When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?
Touch base.
DoS Jokes
What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?
The Oreo Gang!
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
What do you call a special needs army?
The special forces.
What do orphans do at parent teacher meetings?
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
What do you call a retard in the military?
Special forces.
