How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
DoS Jokes
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
What do you call an 18-year-old orphan?
Homeless.
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
"Spider-Man: No Way Home." (Either that or Batman.)
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Why do people hate jokes about the World Trade Center?
Because it's an easy target.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What should you do if you meet a giant? Use big words.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.
