Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Why You should never poop on the floor in an apple store? Because they don`t have windows. 🤢 🤣
Why can't orphans watch PG?
They don't have any parental guidance.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Q: What did the ocean say to the boy?
A: Nothing! Oceans don't talk, silly!
My teacher said, "Words don't hurt!"
So I threw my dictionary at her.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
like my daddy to bad you don ́t have one
What do you call a fish that doesn't play basketball?
Tails: Hey, Sonic, do you need payback? Oh, you are not a fat hedgehog, you are a snail.
Sonic: But I'm a fat snail because Dr. Eggman turned me into a snail.
Tails: I don't trust you, fat snail.
I saw a poor man and I gave him money, and he said, "Nope, I don't need money." So I gave him money, and he punched me for no reason.
Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.
Son, what is 1 plus 1?
Dad, I don't know.
Son, it is 2.
Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.
me: what did the twin say to the other twin
friend: I don ́t know me: I ́ll fall with you
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
One time, there was a happy little girl. One day, her teacher asked how many legs and arms a pineapple have. She said,
"You know those pokey things on it? That's how many."
Teacher says, "That's dumb. They have zero." Then the next day, the girl set a fire in her house, and she burned her legs and arms. Then she survived and went to school. Then the teacher said, "I heard your house went on fire, and by the way, you know you don't have no arms or legs, right?" The girl said, "OK." Then the teacher asked the question the teacher asked yesterday again. She said, "What do you call a girl with no legs or arms?" The teacher said, "Answer my question!" The girl said, "OK, OK, the girl said 13." The teacher said, "Pineapples do not even have legs!"
Then the teacher had to calm down. Then the teacher said to the girl, "Ask a question. Whatever you want." Then the girl said, "Ok, and I'm sorry, teacher." Teacher said, "It's ok, I need a break." The girl said, "What do you call a girl without legs or arms?" Someone from the class, her name was Nia, she said, "A worm." She said, "NO!!!" The teacher said, "Calm down. Just tell us what!" The girl said, "OK then." The girl said it.......
And y'all who is reading my story, guess what the answer is before I tell you and by the way the girl's name is Sunny. Back to story.........she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE! Then when the teacher was calm, she told her to sit down. Then the teacher read a story, "The Three Little Pigs." Then the girl went home, she got a new house, then lived happily ever after.
