Die jokes
Bitches be like "Kill all men" till a black guy dies.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Who can drink 20 liters of fuel without dying? A jerrycan.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.
Nessie is dying.
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Why did Mr. Peanut die?
His cane snapped!
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.
Little Johnny died.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
Why did he not love anymore? His battery died.