Die jokes

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.

What happens when Steven Hawking dies?

Take his iPad to Cash Converters.

Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.

The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.

The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."

We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.

If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?

Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.

Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,

but died on the cross.

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"

What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.

Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D

My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.