The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.
But we will do our best to understand regardless.
Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.
<3
Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.
Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT.
Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.
RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.
On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.
There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.
The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.
Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.
When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.
This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.
When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.
For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.
Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.
The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.
The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.
This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.
TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament tha
t the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization.
This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.
When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry.
Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.
The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa.
In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.
This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance.
An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on.
Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though.
This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.
Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.
It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.
But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.
God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist.
Now see, what's going on here is...
It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh...
Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway.
Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts.
He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would.
But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wou
The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.
But we will do our best to understand regardless.
Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.
<3
Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.
Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT.
Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.
RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.
On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.
There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.
The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.
Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.
When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.
This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.
When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.
For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.
Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.
The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.
The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.
This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.
TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament tha
ldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage.
But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY.
In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were...
and she was staring down some girl in her math class and was just like "are you straight" and the girl was like "Yes?" and she was like "darn" like wtf
and she was staring down some girl in her math class and was just like "are you straight" and the girl was like "Yes?" and she was like "darn" like wtf
Comments (607)
The Unknown King of Moderation
HELLO DANIEL
Daniβ‘
..................
Daniβ‘
HI
π―πππππ―πππππ
IHVUSIVHVIU
Daniβ‘
YK THAT NOT MY FULL NAME RIGHT......
π―πππππ―πππππ
HI BABY <33
The Unknown King of Moderation
Daniβ‘
.....
The Unknown King of Moderation
HI MADI <33
The Unknown King of Moderation
DANIELL
Daniβ‘
...
Daniβ‘
THAT IS NOT FUNNY
Daniβ‘
MOST "DANIEL'S" ARE BITCHES
The Unknown King of Moderation
Does he look like a bitch to you?
π―πππππ―πππππ
HIII <333
Daniβ‘
YES
π―πππππ―πππππ
DANIEL TIGERS NEIGHBORHOOD
π―πππππ―πππππ
SO GOOD TO BE NEIGHBOR
π―πππππ―πππππ
WOULD U BE MINE COULD U BE MINE
π―πππππ―πππππ
WONT U BE MY NEIGHBOUR
Daniβ‘
.........
Flappy.
i dont like hiw he wears his watch on his right hand
Flappy.
it.really rubs me the wrong way snh
Daniβ‘
...
π―πππππ―πππππ
put tht back jake
The Unknown King of Moderation
FLAPPY LEFT HANDED PEOPLE EXIST
The Unknown King of Moderation
STOP BEING DEXTRIST
Alastor
The Opal user is back haha
π―πππππ―πππππ
IM LEFT HANDED
Flappy.
my friend who was left handed taught me how to snap and now im only good at snapping on my left hand
Flappy.
she like cursed me π’π’
π―πππππ―πππππ
GOOD
π―πππππ―πππππ
I CAN SNAP WITH BOTH HANDS
π―πππππ―πππππ
TAKE THT BITCH
Daniβ‘
FRRR BAHHAHA
Flappy.
i can too but im only GOOD at my left
Daniβ‘
I AND GREAT AT BOTH BAHAHAAHA
Daniβ‘
AM*
The Unknown King of Moderation
IDK WHY I LOVE THIS SO MUCH BUT I DO
Flappy.
i knew this one left handed kid in elementary school
Flappy.
fucking fatass
Flappy.
he was so rude smh
π―πππππ―πππππ
<3
Daniβ‘
.........TF.
The Unknown King of Moderation
MADI IM GONNA GET YOU A LEFT HANDED GUITAR
The Unknown King of Moderation
LIKE KURT COBAIN
The Unknown King of Moderation
CAUSE HE WAS LEFT HANDED
Flappy.
theres a differencd?
The Unknown King of Moderation
YES
The Unknown King of Moderation
A BIG DIFFERENCE
Flappy.
hm
Daniβ‘
ANI'T NO WAY U JUST ASKED
The Unknown King of Moderation
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FRET WITH A DIFFERENT HAND
Daniβ‘
AIN'T*
Flappy.
couldnt you just
Flappy.
hold it
The Unknown King of Moderation
SO IF YOU TRIED TO PLAY A LEFT HANDED GUITAR WITH YOUR RIGHT HAND IT WOULD BE UPSIDE DOWN
Flappy.
with the othr hand
The Unknown King of Moderation
NO I JUST EXPLAINED THAT
Daniβ‘
BAHAHHAHA
Flappy.
no exactly just hold it upside down
The Unknown King of Moderation
NO BECAUSE THEN THE STRINGS ARE REVERSED
Flappy.
they would just have to be extra talented.
The Unknown King of Moderation
IT WOULD GO EBGDAE INSTEAD OF EADGBE
Flappy.
they just need to stop slacking and start learning upside down guitar smh
Flappy.
no excuses
The Unknown King of Moderation
IT WOULD COMPLETELY DESTROY THE VERY BASICS OF GUITAR PLAYING
π―πππππ―πππππ
STFU DANI
Daniβ‘
WTF DID I DO
π―πππππ―πππππ
MY BF JUST BETTER THAN URS SMH
Daniβ‘
BAHAHHA
π―πππππ―πππππ
DONT MAKE ME SHOW WHAT ETHAN MADE U
Daniβ‘
IN YOUR DREAMS MAYBE
Flappy.
just rewrite the basics
π―πππππ―πππππ
THT UGLY ASS BOARD
Daniβ‘
DONT EVEN MADI
Daniβ‘
LIKE DON'T GO THERE BAHAHHAH
The Unknown King of Moderation
ILY MADI <3
Anonymous
mm
π―πππππ―πππππ
BITCH I WILL TF
Flappy.
go to sleep
The Unknown King of Moderation
π―πππππ―πππππ
SMH
π―πππππ―πππππ
DONT SAY "tf?"
π―πππππ―πππππ
TO MY BOYFRIEND BEING SWEET SMH
Daniβ‘
I LOVE IT AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS
π―πππππ―πππππ
YOU LOVE IT?
π―πππππ―πππππ
IT?
π―πππππ―πππππ
ETHANS AN IT?
π―πππππ―πππππ
HISIUHFIUFSHI
The Unknown King of Moderation
LMFAO
Daniβ‘
NO BRO
Daniβ‘
OMFG
The Unknown King of Moderation
ETHAN WITH HIS FEMBOY PONYTAIL
π―πππππ―πππππ
YES
π―πππππ―πππππ
THE PONYTAIl
Anonymous
.........................................................
Daniβ‘
..........
π―πππππ―πππππ
YEAH YEAH
Daniβ‘
MADI STFU
π―πππππ―πππππ
EXACTLY
π―πππππ―πππππ
BITCH?
π―πππππ―πππππ
TAKE IT BACK
π―πππππ―πππππ
TAKE IT BACK BITCH
π―πππππ―πππππ
OR IM NOT CALLING U ON MONDAY!
Daniβ‘
OK
Daniβ‘
......
Daniβ‘
I AM BUSY THAT DAY
Daniβ‘
ANYWAYS
The Unknown King of Moderation
MADI IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR GUITAR WHAT WOULD IT BE
Daniβ‘
BAHHAHAHH
Anonymous
this is odd
Daniβ‘
LMAOO
π―πππππ―πππππ
BLACK
π―πππππ―πππππ
LIKE KURTS
The Unknown King of Moderation
OKAY
The Unknown King of Moderation
HE HAD A BUNCH
π―πππππ―πππππ
I WANNA SHINY ONE
π―πππππ―πππππ
NOT A WALKIN LIKE A DOG ONE
π―πππππ―πππππ
IUSHIUFIU
π―πππππ―πππππ
VHIUVSH
Daniβ‘
JAKE
The Unknown King of Moderation
WHAT
Daniβ‘
YOUR GF NEED A WINE OR BEER TO CHILL TF OUT
Daniβ‘
PLS
The Unknown King of Moderation
NUH UH
The Unknown King of Moderation
SHE DOESNT LIKE WINE
Daniβ‘
IDGAF
The Unknown King of Moderation
SHE JUST NEEDS ME
Daniβ‘
GIVE HER SOMETHING WITH ALCOHOL TO CHILL
Daniβ‘
........ U AINT WORKING WELL ENOUGH........
The Unknown King of Moderation
>:(
Daniβ‘
BHAHAHAHAHA
Alastor
πΊ
Anonymous
mm
Anonymous
i h8 alcohol
π―πππππ―πππππ
EXCSUE ME?
Daniβ‘
BAHHAHAHHAA
π―πππππ―πππππ
he is good enough dani
π―πππππ―πππππ
knock it off im serious
Daniβ‘
...... THEN CHILL TF OUT BROOOOO
Daniβ‘
BAHHAHAHAH
π―πππππ―πππππ
you asked me to be nice to your boyfriend
Alastor
Well, thatβs a bummer.
π―πππππ―πππππ
ill only agree if your nice to mine
π―πππππ―πππππ
BITCH U CHILL?
π―πππππ―πππππ
TF?
Anonymous
noooooo
Daniβ‘
HCFDUBCRFGND
π―πππππ―πππππ
UR NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY DANI IM BEING SERIOUS
Daniβ‘
........ NAHHHH I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING
π―πππππ―πππππ
Dani.
π―πππππ―πππππ
you know what get in UwU crew right now
Daniβ‘
"iM BeiNg SeRioUs"
Alastor
Haha
Anonymous
mmmmmm
Anonymous
Alastor
Anonymous
gus is talking to me rn bout him asking girls to dance
Alastor
Mhm?
Alastor
I thought he was yours?
Anonymous
he is
Anonymous
nd his freind likes him
Anonymous
he found out
Alastor
Ah
Anonymous
this is pain to hear π π π
π―πππππ―πππππ
.......
π―πππππ―πππππ
SKILL ISSUE
π―πππππ―πππππ
HAHSSIFUHSUFIH
π―πππππ―πππππ
im sorry
π―πππππ―πππππ
COUGH
The Unknown King of Moderation
LMAO
π―πππππ―πππππ
WOMP WOMP
Anonymous
no but he said hed be on in 2 hours
Anonymous
nd than like 5 hours later
Alastor
WELL, whatβre you going to do about it?
Anonymous
murder her.
Alastor
Very good.
The Unknown King of Moderation
THATS ILLEGAL
Anonymous
so?
Anonymous
Hes mine.
Alastor
Laws were made to be broken
Daniβ‘
......
Anonymous
will he get a lil suspicious of this?
Daniβ‘
FRRRRR
π―πππππ―πππππ
A LITTLE?
π―πππππ―πππππ
GIRL?
π―πππππ―πππππ
HE KNOWSSS U GETTIN JEALOUS
π―πππππ―πππππ
"what she look like"
π―πππππ―πππππ
MHMMMMMMMM
Anonymous
oh sit
π―πππππ―πππππ
HE KNOW U TRYNA GET EM DETAILS
Anonymous
shitttt
Anonymous
Madi how do i fix it
Anonymous
π π π
π―πππππ―πππππ
U DONT
π―πππππ―πππππ
CONSQEUNCES OF UR ACTIONS
Anonymous
SHIT'
Daniβ‘
THE SPEED LIMIT .........
π―πππππ―πππππ
LET HIM KNOW
π―πππππ―πππππ
UR HIS
π―πππππ―πππππ
GRASP THAT HOE
π―πππππ―πππππ
TIE HIM UP IF U HAVE TOO
π―πππππ―πππππ
kinky fr
Alastor
I donβt follow that.
Flappy.
i hate people named annalise
Anonymous
ME TO
Flappy.
theyre all so annoying
Alastor
Pretty short? Or pretty and short?
Flappy.
they rlly think theyre special
Anonymous
dk.
Flappy.
i think he said pretty short not pretty n short
Daniβ‘
I AM 13 AND I RIDE STREET BIKES ILLEGALLY WITHOUT A PERMIT GOING 50 IN A 25 SCHOOL ZONE
Anonymous
ok good
Daniβ‘
..............
The Unknown King of Moderation
EW YOURE THE SAME AGE AS MY SISTER
Daniβ‘
WHO?
The Unknown King of Moderation
YOU
Alastor
If a small child gets in my way as Iβm driving, thatβs their fault hahah
Daniβ‘
............
Anonymous
YALL
Anonymous
ima murder this girl
Daniβ‘
TF WHO ....
Anonymous
alastor help me
Daniβ‘
HOW*
Alastor
Itβd be my pleasure!
Anonymous
like
Daniβ‘
I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED BY MANY COPS .........
Flappy.
you sound like a chick fil a worker
Anonymous
omgg
Alastor
MY PLEASURE.
Anonymous
Flappy wanna help me murder this girl?
Daniβ‘
WTF U MEAN "EW"
Daniβ‘
...............
Anonymous
omg
π―πππππ―πππππ
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
π―πππππ―πππππ
HIUHSIUFHUIHGISUGHG
π―πππππ―πππππ
uh oh
Daniβ‘
WHA
Anonymous
she dead
Anonymous
nah
π―πππππ―πππππ
"WHYYY WAS HE HOLDING HER HAND"
Anonymous
huh?
π―πππππ―πππππ
" when hes SUPPOSED TO BE MINEEE"
Flappy.
thats his fault too thn
π―πππππ―πππππ
"ITS MY PARTTYY AND I CRY IF I WANT TO"
Alastor
Violently, slowly, and brutally..
The Unknown King of Moderation
GOOD SONG
Anonymous
mmm
π―πππππ―πππππ
MOVE ALASTOR
π―πππππ―πππππ
IM BEATING A HOE
The Unknown King of Moderation
HE SOUNDS LIKE A MAN WHORE
π―πππππ―πππππ
WITH A BAD
π―πππππ―πππππ
WITH A BAT!
Alastor
Me first!
π―πππππ―πππππ
my pookie wookie bear isnt a man whore though <3
π―πππππ―πππππ
ISNT THAT RIGHT POOKIE WOOKIE DOOKIE <3
Anonymous
GUYS HELP
Flappy.
im so tired
Alastor
A bat? Haha! Iβm using a metal cane.
Anonymous
HE KNOWS SO AMNY GIRLS
π―πππππ―πππππ
NO NO ALASRTOR
π―πππππ―πππππ
USE A BAT
π―πππππ―πππππ
CAUSE ITS WOODEN
π―πππππ―πππππ
SO THE WOOD
π―πππππ―πππππ
WILL CHIP IN HER SKIN
π―πππππ―πππππ
AND GIVE HER SPLINTERS
π―πππππ―πππππ
:)
Alastor
AH CLEVER!
Daniβ‘
GOOD NIGHT!
Flappy.
no use a club smh
π―πππππ―πππππ
IK
Anonymous
OMG
π―πππππ―πππππ
HEEHEEHEHEHEH
Flappy.
its that but spikey
π―πππππ―πππππ
GN DANIII
Anonymous
OMG YES
Anonymous
yall he dosent know im obsessive-
The Unknown King of Moderation
Flappy.
i cant believe its only 10:30
Alastor
Heβs about to find out HAHA
π―πππππ―πππππ
Jake knows im obsessive
π―πππππ―πππππ
very well
π―πππππ―πππππ
AND HE LOVES IT
Anonymous
yeah
π―πππππ―πππππ
HEHEHEHEHE
Flappy.
oh shit not this again
The Unknown King of Moderation
And I love it <3
Anonymous
MADI
π―πππππ―πππππ
SEE <3
The Unknown King of Moderation
OH LMAO YOU SAID THAT
The Unknown King of Moderation
HEHE
Anonymous
CAN U HELP ME BEAT THIS BITCH TO DEATH?
π―πππππ―πππππ
YESSSSS
π―πππππ―πππππ
OFCCCC
Alastor
What that?
Anonymous
TY <33333
π―πππππ―πππππ
verbally or pyschically?
π―πππππ―πππππ
I CAN DO BOTH VERY WELL <3
Anonymous
BOTH
π―πππππ―πππππ
BET
The Unknown King of Moderation
would you like me to explain?
Anonymous
CAUSE LIKE
Alastor
Of Course!
π―πππππ―πππππ
COLOR OF EYES HAIR AND FLESH
Anonymous
IDK
Alastor
Yes
π―πππππ―πππππ
NO
Flappy.
please dont ask
Anonymous
BUT I HAVE HER SCHOOL
π―πππππ―πππππ
NO ALATSOR
The Unknown King of Moderation
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Anonymous
HAIR COLOR
Anonymous
ND NAME
π―πππππ―πππππ
DOBT FALL FOR THE RTRAP
Flappy.
no please
π―πππππ―πππππ
DONT FALL FOR IT
π―πππππ―πππππ
NO
Flappy.
please stop
π―πππππ―πππππ
OVHDIUDHBIU
π―πππππ―πππππ
U BITCH
Alastor
Wait, what is it?
The Unknown King of Moderation
AHEM
The Unknown King of Moderation
The problem is that when the subject of troll romance is broached, our sparing human intellects instantly assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable.
But we will do our best to understand regardless.
Humans have only one form of romance. And though we consider it a complicated subject, spanning a wide range of emotions, social conventions, and implications for reproduction, it is ultimately a superficial slice of what trolls consider the full body of romantic experience. Our concept of romance, in spite of its capacity to fill our art and literature and to rule our individual destinies like little else, is still just that. A single, linear concept. A concept usually denoted by a single symbol.
<3
Troll romance is more complicated than that. Troll romance needs four symbols.
Their understanding of romance is divided into halves, and halved again, producing four quadrants: the FLUSHED QUADRANT, the CALIGINOUS QUADRANT, the PALE QUADRANT, and the ASHEN QUADRANT.
Each quadrant is grouped by the half they share, whether horizontally or vertically, depending on the overlapping properties one examines. The sharpest dichotomy, from an emotional perspective, is drawn between RED ROMANCE and BLACK ROMANCE.
RED ROMANCE, comprised of the flushed and pale quadrants, is a form of romance rooted in strongly positive emotions. BLACK ROMANCE, with its caliginous and ashen quadrants, is rooted in the strongly negative.
On the other hand, the vertical bifurcation has to do with the purpose of the relationship, regardless of the emotions behind it. Those quadrants which are CONCUPISCENT, the flushed and caliginous, have to do with facilitating the elaborate reproductive cycle of trolls. Those which are CONCILIATORY, the pale and ashen, would be more closely likened to platonic relationships by human standards.
There are many parallels between human relationships and the various facets of troll romance. Humans have words to describe relationships of a negative nature, or of a platonic nature. The difference is, for humans, those relationships would never be conceptually grouped with romance. Establishing those sort of relationships for humans is not driven by the same primal forces that drive our tendency to couple romantically. But for trolls, those primal forces involve themselves in the full palette of these relationships, red or black, torrid or friendly. Trolls typically feel strongly compelled to find balance in each quadrant, and seek gratifying relationships that each describes.
The challenge is particularly tortuous for young trolls, who must reconcile the wide range of contradictory emotions associated with this matrix, while understanding the nature of their various romantic urges for the first time.
Of course, young humans have this challenge too. But for trolls, the challenge is fourfold.
When two individuals find themselves in the flushed quadrant together, they are said to be MATESPRITS. Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans.
This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.
When a pair of adversaries delve into this quadrant, they become each other's KISMESIS. As one of the concupiscent quadrants, it plays a role in procreation as well. There is no particularly good human translation for this concept. The closest would be an especially potent arch-rivalry.
For instance, human players would never be able to adequately diagnose the relationship between the queen and her archagent. But troll players could immediately place it as a dead ringer for kismesissitude. They would think we were all pretty stupid for not getting it. And they would be right.
Trolls have a complicated reproductive cycle. It's probably best not to examine it in much detail.
The need to seek out concupiscent partners comes with more urgency than typical reproductive instincts. When the IMPERIAL DRONE comes knocking, you had better be able to supply genetic material to each of his FILIAL PAILS. If you have nothing to offer, he will kill you without hesitation.
The genetic material - WITHOUT GOING INTO MUCH DETAIL - is a combinative genetic mix from the matesprit and kismesis pairs, respectively. The pails are all offered to the mother grub, who can only receive such precombined material. She then combines all of it into one incestuous slurry, and begins her brooding.
This doesn't mean the initial combination was for naught, however. In the slurry, more dominant genes rise to the fore, while the more recessive find less representation in the brood. Especially strong matesprit and kismesis pairings yield more dominant genetic material. The more powerful the complement or potent the rivalry, the more dominant the genes.
TROLL REPRODUCTION SURE IS WEIRD. We all take a moment to lament how pedestrian the human reproductive system is, and further lament tha
Flappy.
fuck you
Alastor
WHAT THE FUCK
π―πππππ―πππππ
NOOOO
The Unknown King of Moderation
t the phrase "incestuous slurry" is not a feature of common parlance in human civilization.
This quadrant involves a particular type of three-way relationship of a black romantic nature. Falling on the conciliatory side, it has no bearing on the reproductive cycle, except for indirect ramifications.
When two trolls are locked in a feud or some otherwise contentious relationship, one can intervene and become their AUSPISTICE. The auspistice mediates between the two, playing the role of a peace keeper, preventing the feud from boiling over into a fully caliginous rivalry.
Since such lesser feuds are quite common among trolls, there is a significant need for auspisticing parties. Without them, too many ashen feuds would become caliginous, and begin to conflict with other exclusive kismesis relationships, leading to a great deal of social complexity and sore feelings (even more so than black romance usually involves). Without auspisticism, the result would be widespread black infidelity.
The relationships each quadrant describes tend to be malleable, if not volatile, especially on the concupiscent half where more torrid emotions reside. It doesn't take much to flip a switch and transmute blackrom feelings to redrom, and vice versa.
In many cases, one party will have red feelings while the other has black. But it will often be the case that one party's feelings will swap to match the other's, since there is no quadrant which naturally accommodates such a disparity. But thereafter, it's not uncommon for the two to toggle between red and black in unison now and then. These scenarios naturally result in both red and black infidelities.
This sort of relationship volatility is why conciliatory relationships are an important part of troll romance.
An auspistice can stabilize particularly turbulent relationships. If the auspistice fails to mediate properly, or has no interest in the role, or perhaps has different romantic intentions him/herself altogether, then the relationship often quickly deteriorates into one of an especially hostile and torrid nature. There are many outside factors and influences tugging and pulling these relationships in different directions, and unlike humans who have very orderly, simple, straightforward romantic relationships without exception, trolls exist in a state of almost perpetual confusion and generally have no idea what the hell is going on.
Being confused by troll relationships is one thing we do have in common though.
This quadrant presides over MOIRALLEGIENCE, the other conciliatory relationship. A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.
Trolls are a very angry and violent race. Some are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society, or even to themselves. Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who may become their MOIRAIL. The moirail is obliged to pacify the other, to function as the better half. The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.
It's often ambiguous especially among young trolls whether a bond formed between an acquaintance is true moirallegence, or the usual variety of platonic involvement. Furthermore, romantic intentions of a more flushed nature can often be mistaken for paler leanings, much to the frustration of the suitor.
But some pale pairings, as the one above, will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.
God you just can't get enough of this can you! That would have been a great point for a transition out of this illustrated sociological study, but ok, if you insist.
Now see, what's going on here is...
It's perfectly simple. When the full matrix of troll romance is in action, we have... uh...
Hey, why don't you figure it out! You should be an expert on all this by now anyway.
Later our troll hero would try to explain this to our human hero, attempting to convey all the nuance of troll romance through a nearly verbatim recitation of the preceding excerpts.
He would try to describe how rich and textured the troll romantic comedies were compared to the one dimensional schlock of our human cinematic counterparts. He would barely scratch the surface of Troll Will Smith's virtuosity with the delicate lattice of troll romance, as he would assist the bumbling fudgeblooded Troll Kevin James through the interwoven minefield-briarpatch of redrom and blackrom entanglements, all the while sifting through his own prickly romantic situation and ultimately learning the true meaning of hate and pity. But would they succeed before the imperial drone came knocking with his thirsty pails at the ready??? Yes, they would.
But John didn't understand any of this because he's a moron, and he wou
Alastor
A what now?
Anonymous
yall
Alastor
Do you just have these on hand?
The Unknown King of Moderation
ldn't shut up about his awful bullshit Earth movies. He would just go on and on and on about that garbage.
But if there was one theme to be hammered through his thick skull, it would be the trolls' cultural preoccupation with romantic destiny. Yes, the romantic landscape is rife with false starts and miscues and infidelities, red and black. But every troll believes strongly that each quadrant holds one and only one true pairing for them, and it is just a matter of time before the grid is filled with auspicious matchups through the mysterious channels of TROLL SERENDIPITY.
In short, their belief is that for each quadrant there exists a pair or triad of trolls somewhere in the cosmos that were...
MADE FOR EACH OTHER.
The Unknown King of Moderation
TROLL ROMANCE ALASTOR
The Unknown King of Moderation
TROLL
Alastor
A what now?
The Unknown King of Moderation
ROMANCE
The Unknown King of Moderation
QUADRANTS
The Unknown King of Moderation
HATE RELATIONSHIPS
Flappy.
i feel like chat would be a lot better right now if there wasnt random paragraphs in it
Anonymous
REAL
π―πππππ―πππππ
BABY
Flappy.
i feel like it really kind of like is out of place
π―πππππ―πππππ
STOP THIS MADNESS
The Unknown King of Moderation
MATESPRITSHIPS, KISMESISSITUDES, MOIRALLEIGIANCE, AUSPISTICISM
The Unknown King of Moderation
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Alastor
Well, I regret asking. But Iβm still curious.
Flappy.
and it is a little not very appreciated
Flappy.
maybe thats just be tho
Flappy.
me
The Unknown King of Moderation
I WILL GO INTO FURTHER DETAIL ALASTOR
Flappy.
its ok you dont have to
The Unknown King of Moderation
PREPARE YOUR DMSSSSSSSS
Anonymous
guys
Alastor
Splendid!
Flappy.
I'm gonna go
Alastor
Iβd prefer it to be public so we can all see
Anonymous
atleast he told this girl hes w/ me
Alastor
Are we still murdering someone?
The Unknown King of Moderation
FLAPPY
Anonymous
yuh
The Unknown King of Moderation
ARE YOU STILL HERE
The Unknown King of Moderation
F L A P P Y
The Unknown King of Moderation
IM NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT TROLLMANCE
Alastor
Splendid!
Alastor
Mhmm..
Alastor
But Iβm still curious.
Anonymous
nah cause im actually onna cry
Alastor
Tears of joy?
The Unknown King of Moderation
FLAPPY IF YOURE HERE CHECK UWU
The Unknown King of Moderation
not me in a super healthy long distance relationship at a young age
Anonymous
YEAH
Anonymous
no cause like
Anonymous
im not ok rn
Alastor
Ah, I see..
The Unknown King of Moderation
Imma go to bed peace out
Anonymous
alr
Anonymous
goodnight
Alastor
I bid you adieu
Anonymous
alastor
Anonymous
how do i feel right now
Alastor
I assume very angry
Anonymous
like i felt numb than all feeling came back once he msgd me
Anonymous
than when he started js
Anonymous
id rather be numb
Anonymous
no like idk
Alastor
Are you numb to this?
Anonymous
no
Anonymous
im numb whenever certain pple aint talking to me
Anonymous
or js aint around
Anonymous
for a long enough time
Anonymous
so once they back not js for a second but like back yk
Alastor
So how do you feel right now?
Anonymous
cause he onna think about this
Alastor
I thought youβd say kill him
Anonymous
nd what if he js leaves me
Anonymous
nah cause i overthink
Alastor
Mhmmβ¦
Anonymous
im tempted to tell him to go to her.
Anonymous
he'd be happier w. someone irl
Alastor
Hmm..
Anonymous
Alastor
What did he say?
Anonymous
nothin yet
Alastor
Mhm..
Anonymous
i dont think tn will end up well
Alastor
For whom?
Anonymous
me
Alastor
Well, weβll see
Anonymous
mhm
Anonymous
hes typin
Alastor
Well
Anonymous
he stopped typeing
Alastor
Hmm..
Anonymous
hes typeing again
Alastor
Okay
Anonymous
he stopped
Alastor
Hm..
Anonymous
he replied
Anonymous
im kinda low-key scared to check
Alastor
You have to
Anonymous
so far i aint cryin
The Unknown King of Moderation
Charlie wait here lemme show you something itβll fix all of this I promise
Alastor
Mhm?
The Unknown King of Moderation
The Unknown King of Moderation
The answer to all your problems
Alastor
Thatβs so wonderful it can solve world hunger
Anonymous
no
Anonymous
cause if he knew her better hed give her a chance
Alastor
Whatd he say?
Anonymous
i was already sacred he would leave me
Anonymous
but tbh
Anonymous
idek
Alastor
I was reading that
Anonymous
sorry
Alastor
Hmmm..
Alastor
Whatβs your opinion on this?
Anonymous
idk im going numb
Alastor
Mhm..
Anonymous
im fine
Anonymous
^^
Alastor
I donβt think you are haha
Anonymous
noo
Anonymous
im happy :)
Alastor
Are you sure?
Anonymous
no
Anonymous
i told him how i felt nd he js said yeha
Anonymous
yeah
Alastor
Mhm
Alastor
What did he respond with?
Alastor
Haha
Anonymous
Oh God itβs May
Anonymous
do u think if he really loves me he wont leave?
Anonymous
Youβre still a man.
Anonymous
ew no its angel
Anonymous
i js like the name may
Anonymous
its chxl
Anonymous
or angel
Anonymous
or delilah
Anonymous
or
Alastor
If he really loves you, he wonβt leave you.
Anonymous
everyones guardian angel
Anonymous
ok..
Anonymous
STOPP
Anonymous
i h8 my name its a guy name
Alastor
Hehehe
Alastor
Itβs not
Anonymous
i dont think i gotta worry
Alastor
Very wholesome
Anonymous
nd my numbness went away b4
Alastor
So no murder?
Anonymous
welll
Anonymous
lemme think
Alastor
JUST TO BE SAAFE..HEH
Anonymous
YEAHHH
Anonymous
UHMM
Alastor
Hehehe
Alastor
Donβt worry you wonβt have to lift a finger, sheβll just mysteriously disappear one day haha
Anonymous
BUT WE CANT MURDER HER?!??
Alastor
I will rip her soul from her lifeless body.
Anonymous
huh-?
Anonymous
im sorry no u cantt
Anonymous
><
Alastor
Why not?
Yum Myan
dont do that
Alastor
Iβll give it to you as a birthday present
Anonymous
UHHHHHHH
Anonymous
MY BIRTHDAY WAS LAST MONTH HUN
Anonymous
ill do u~
Alastor
Christmas?
Yum Myan
God yes please oml
Anonymous
LATE B-DAY
Alastor
Splendid idea!
Anonymous
^^
Anonymous
use my axe!
Alastor
Perfect!
Anonymous
Her names allea nd i love her <33
Anonymous
gus this is not my idea nd i had nothing to do with anyones death
Yum Myan
you are NOT killing anyone from my school except Jenna
Yum Myan
Charlie
Yum Myan
She broke up with Russel
Alastor
100% my idea.
Yum Myan
that's like 4 guys now
Anonymous
mm
Anonymous
Alasotr~
Anonymous
I have tw-
Alastor
Mhm?
Anonymous
I MEANT
Anonymous
one
Anonymous
for you
Anonymous
her names jenna
Yum Myan
and she was staring down some girl in her math class and was just like "are you straight" and the girl was like "Yes?" and she was like "darn" like wtf
Alastor
SPLENDID
Yum Myan
She's Bi or something now and I pray for whoever wants to love her now
Anonymous
oh
Yum Myan
becuase she's a total biiiiitch
Alastor
They-Sheβll be gone tomorrow.
Anonymous
thank you!
Anonymous
mmmm
Anonymous
ik some
Yum Myan
like what the FUCK russel was ACTUALLY good guy and so was the guy before him
Anonymous
yes -she-
Yum Myan
bitch just go on dates with ur man and don't complain when u don't get shit from him when u don't wanna hug him no more
Yum Myan
ππ
Anonymous
yeah i hate that..
Anonymous
gus see
Yum Myan
It's 1:24 for me I have zero intention of going to sleep anytime soon
Yum Myan
?
Anonymous
We only have plans to kill one person
Anonymous
yes
Anonymous
one
Anonymous
we
Alastor
Yes
Anonymous
one
Yum Myan
No one else
Yum Myan
You got that?
Anonymous
if anyone else
Anonymous
it was w/o my persmisson
Anonymous
^^
Yum Myan
I didn't see the thingy you deleted but without your permission also means asking someone else doens't it
Alastor
Heheh
Anonymous
Nooooooooooooooooooooo
Anonymous
Alasotr did u see what i deletED?
Alastor
Nope
Alastor
HAHA
Alastor
With pleasure.
Yum Myan
oh gosh darnit I didn't see that either sjlhdgaasdjjhsjklflfhgjskifflaaghrdf
Anonymous
ik
Anonymous
i sent u to disc
The Radio Demon
hi
Anonymous
>:)
Anonymous
*
Yum Myan
dshaosgoisulnhgiujlokffdanmhgkuljasnhgvuklolohg
Alastor
HAHA
Anonymous
i couldve said i love you here?
The Radio Demon
?
Anonymous
i dleted it as soon as i got a msg back from u~
Anonymous
im so smartt
Yum Myan
lol
Anonymous
dww
Anonymous
he only has my permisson to murder jenna
Alastor
Precisely
Alastor
Only her, nobody else. Only one!
Yum Myan
π
The Radio Demon
what
Anonymous
Indeed!
Alastor
Heheh
Anonymous
did u even see it
Alastor
NOPE
Anonymous
I SAID
Alastor
Heh
Anonymous
ASLOET
Anonymous
HE SAW IT
Anonymous
TH mSGS
Alastor
Well.
Anonymous
heheh ima talk to just him now
Anonymous
Ttyl
Alastor
I bid you adieu
The Radio Demon
hi