Catholic School jokes

Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.

I’m in catholic school.

In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head.

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic.