I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man. and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can I'll pat you, and prick you , and mark you with my "D" And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke so the Guy replies "A guy walks into a bar..." The bartender says " Just stop and take your fucking drink
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!
Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.
Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!
Sans: Yea bro.
Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
If you have sex and your African parents find out,
“You can do the boom boom. But you can not do the boom boom in my house. Do it somewhere else."
My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
