Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you. Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
rizz
are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i
son: can i go to my friends mum? mum: no! son: dad was right i am a son of a bitch! mum: bad news but your adopted!!
Why doesn't Mexico win any medals in the summer Olympics anymore? Because all the Mexicans that can run swim or jump are already here.
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, „My friend is dead! What can I do?“. The operator says „Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.“ There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says „OK, now what?“
yo mama so fat you can see her from 100000000000000000000000000 galaxy's away
Boss: Can I do a reference check.
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student but he lacked kizma
Boss: Whats kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: oh no here we go.
Sensei: kizma AS-
Are You Shane Dawson Because I can Be Your Pussy
Instead of the line 'This girls on fire', my friend can relate to 'The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the fuck out'
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate
What type of resturant can an orphan not go to? A family diner.
Chuck Norris can kick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever had.
Anybody can use this:)
Slow and steady wins the race but it won't fix ur ugly face 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
yo mama so fat she can't go up the elevator, she can only go down
A man's daughter comes home from school and asked her dad if she can borrow the car. The father replies, no its too late at night. The daughter says cmon dad. I'll do anything. The dad says OK suck my dick. The daughter says no that's disgusting. The dad says you want the car. You said you'll do anything. The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth. She stops and says eww dad your dick smells like shit. The dad replies yeah well your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago.
Guy with no arms: Even if I don’t have arms, I can do everything you can d..
🎵if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands🎵
My guy: I have a Q-Tip
Me: You can q my tip
My guy: Ayo
I can make a living with the Treat Yo self budget
Yet I can’t use the Help yo self budget
btw friend here also wants to do suicide
friend:why did i cross the road??? me:to get to the other side. friend:true!
friend:hey lets go hang out at the forest today! me:ok *grabs ropes for the both of us and rushes outside bc this is a lucky day* friend:hey atleast we did it!
friend:whats the best thing about me? me:you will eventually end. friend:hmmmmmm . . . true!
friend:what historical time influenced you the most? me:the great depression
if i could be an object id be glass because im see through and i can shatter with the minimum difficulty immediately!
my parents sometimes say im their sunshine! . . . because im painful if you look at me.
teacher:what does km/s mean? me+like almost all of the class:*in unison* it means kill myself but misspelled
friend:whats the best way to end a game? me:with death friend: . . . hmmm now that you think about it yeah! thats the best way!
when your about to jump down a cliff but you realize that you cant litter there
google says that your about 75% water but im make of 101% depression 101% anxiety 101% suicidal 101% stress
brain be like will_to_live.exe, happiness.exe, and many more others not found also you have now got crippling_depression.exe, anxiety.exe, suicide_thoughts.exe, suicide_attempts, and stressful_life.exe so so so much many more
how do you keep weeds away? just put a bucket of crippling depression and suicidal thought and attempts in the soil and then they just kill themselves. problem solved.
when you take antidepressants but they dont work it will just make you more depressed and thats a fact
a bored depressed suicidal person:*sees a dying person* dying person:p-l-pls c-c-c-call m-me a-an amb-b-bulancccee *wheeze* *dies* bored depressed suicidal person:hmmmm ur an ambulance dying person:*manages to get back up* bored depressed suicidal person:oooooohh goddddd dying person:*in a demonic tone* BUT NOT FOR ME~
roses are red inside im dead i have crippling depression some one pls shoot my head
when you finally open up to a person who you think will care and understand but it turns out that they dont you:*panickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanickingpanicking*
the only time you should lift your spirits up is when your gonna hang yourself
a made up story starting now so i went to school as usual theres a school shooting all the depressed suicidal people:*crave death* *walks up to shooter* all say KILL ME a made up story starting ending
in this one the friend isnt suicidal friend:wanna play a game? me:life wait no a game has a meaning friend: . . . *crickets* friend:calls suicide hotline me:wait no!!!!!
me:*has crippling depression* *asks mom why i was born* mom:hmmm i think i was drunk and on a lotta drugs me:hmmm tysm *gets the rope* mom:*making hanging puns* me:*hurries to the trash truck*
me:at this point ive lived about a decade depressed and suicidal that i dont struggle with it now, im good at it and its all normal
hope you enjoyed
