Both jokes
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...
They're both plastic and kids turn them on.
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.