Both jokes
What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?
Nothing, they both stain.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...
They're both plastic and kids turn them on.
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"