Both jokes
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
(On their 1-2 loss to Watford) Ty: Well, we mustn't forget that it's been raining so...
Robbie: It's been raining???
Ty: Yeah!
Robbie: Are you being serious??? It's raining for both teams!
What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?
We were both caused by broken rubber.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.