Beheading jokes

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?

Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

A king ordered to execute a gay man.

The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

What's the best haircut?

Chemotherapy.