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And jokes

Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?

He had no legs.

How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.

A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."

"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."

"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?

They were both killed by Romans.

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.

One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,

"We will give you a replacement!"

Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"

So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."

So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"

The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.

I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.

He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.

He was my least favorite grandparent.

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"