And jokes

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.

Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?

A painting only needs one nail.

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at funerals.

What's the difference between my mum and my dad?

My mum stayed.

Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.

I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?

At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."