And jokes
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!
What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
You reload and keep shooting.
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? Stephen can't walkie and Stephen can't talkie.
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He sees a bunch of clocks and asks Jesus what they are for. He replied they are gauges, and that they move when people lie. He said that Mother Teresa's has moved twice, Abraham Lincoln's once, and George Washington's never.
The man asks to see the current president's, and Jesus just laughs and says that Joe Biden's is the one keeping the hurricanes to speed.
This is not a joke, it's a warning!
You guys are stupid. I am an orphan, and you better stop doing these. BTW, if you are an orphan, put it in the comments and say that it's not funny!
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.
Bet y'all did not know Kobe had blue eyes! One blew east and one blew west.
My grandfather said I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!