And jokes
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
They both hang from the tree.
What is wet going up and wet going down but doesn't move?
A mountain!
hehehehehehehehehehe
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?
I don't know, I have both!
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
What do you call Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
The world's first microwaves.
Q: What do kidnappers and rapists have in common?
H: It's similar to shoes.
A: White Vans.
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
Alya and freshfry.
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
I asked what LGBTQ stands for, and I couldn’t get a straight answer.
Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?
Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!
Neona (😁): Agreed!
Neona: Gwen?
Gwen: Yes... what can I do for you?
Neona: You were so right! Mr. Smith has sexual problems and is a fool! I am so sorry that you were not a liar! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!
Gwen: You should have listened. Plus I'm over it!
Neona: Are you mad at me?
Gwen: Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.