And jokes
I would tell you a recycling joke.
But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."
And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
What's the difference between an American and a computer?
Americans don't have trouble shooting!
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
What is the similarity between depressed people and hoodies?
The color black.
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
A priest walked in and said to the kids,
"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.
What's a cow's favorite newspaper?
The Daily M0Os.
Oh my frickig god, cleared my history and forgot my password for this, 3th account!