And jokes

Why do orphans want to be dogs?

Because they want their own bed and food.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?

What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.

When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.

A fat man coming in the store.

Waiter: Oh god, not again :|

Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.

Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?

Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"

You know what orphans and Batman have in common? They'll both never see their parents again.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

What is orange and will soon be wearing prison orange? Trump.

What did the salt say to the vinegar during the sweet and sour dynasty?

"STUPID VINIGGER!"

What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?

They have no way home.