And jokes
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!
Katsuki Bakugou went into a bar and said: "Where is that damn nerd?!?". Everyone was confused.
Bakugou says: "Tell me where Deku is or I'll kill you!" He kills them all because they all have green hair.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
What's green, red, and spins at 4000rpm?
A frog in a blender.
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.
Playing hide and seek with Helen Keller wasn’t the best idea you’ve had all day.
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
Have a child you don't want? Just drop them off at a school they don't know and drive away.
Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.
They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.
If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.
That one really *crashed and burned*.
An orphan asked his caretaker where his parents are, and the caretaker said, "A place called home."
"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.
TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.