And jokes

What is the only reason you can hit an orphan and get away with it?

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?

They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...

... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.

Why is everyone trying to make a big deal out of this? My family were only flying to Pakistan and crashed into 2 towers.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

How do you tell the difference between a girl spaghetti and a boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.