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And jokes

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."

Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

What is the difference between white people and Africans? The white people watch "The Hunger Games," the Africans live it.

What's the difference between white people and Africans?.... The white people get water.

How do you know when a joke has turned into a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.

What do you call 2 wings and a halo?

A Chinese phone call: "Wing wing halo!" 🤪

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!