And jokes
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
One hot day a cow wanted some shade.
He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.
The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."
She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"
What is black and white and red all over?
JFK
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
What do you call a person without a nose and who doesn't know much?
Nose-less.
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"
Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.