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And jokes

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

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    • My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.

    I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!

    What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?

    Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.

  • 3

    • If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

    An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

  • 2

    • A child with cancer says, "Mother, what will I be when I grow up?"

    Then the mother says, "Shut up, dick, you have cancer!" Hehehe.

    A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

    Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

    Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.

    They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.

    Is it bad to hit an orphan?

    What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

    Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

    A man was taking a young child into the woods.

    The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."

    The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."

    What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

    They both look good hanging from a tree.

    A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.

    The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"

    Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

    A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

    The other sibling said, "You are, too."

    Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

    And the sibling says, "We're twins."

    The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

    One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."