And jokes
What do a blonde and a cow have in common?
They're both fat af.
You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
My name is Bob, and I am a cow.
My grandfather was a knight, and his name was Sir Loin.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
So there I was, fucking my sister, and she shouts, "God, you fuck like Dad!" I then said, "Damn, that’s what Mom said."
What the difference between cats and dogs? They dont have one both taste good
You watch 50 Shades of Grey, and you turn grey in bed.
Nolan is a mole, who lives in a hole, and then had intercourse with a troll.
What do James Doyle and Hannah Doyle have in common?
John fucked them both in the rear.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?
A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."