Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Shower thoughts
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?
“What in the world did I just read?”
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute? The rooster says.. cock a doodle doo The prostitute says.. any cock will do
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.