I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
Either way, they’ll kill your dog.
I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister.
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.
I’m breaking up with you, bitch.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
What do you call a really fat psychic?
4chin Teller
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What is George Floyd’s best pick up line?
"You're breathtaking."