I called a suicide hotline in Iraq...They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck
Royal
They laughed at my crayon drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.
If finding Nemo was scientifically correct, marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo
What do you call a blonde in the freezer? Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
I was digging in My back yard and found a chest of coins I wanted to run inside and tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging in the back yard.
What's Madeline mccann and a submarine got in common? Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb so I asked "are you an orphan?" "Yes" he replied "what gave me away?" He asked "your parents" I said.
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun, it comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now pay later.
What is faster hot or cold? Hot because you can catch a cold
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient. He was a great vet.
Interviewer: what are your strengths? Interviewee: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: and your weaknesses? Interviewee: those beautiful green eyes of yours...
I started crying when dad began to cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field? Everywhere.
Why did the old man fall down a well? He couldn't see that well.
Captain America is a 106 yo virgin
I asked to borrow a book from the library, it was titled 'suicide in ten easy steps' the cunt just stood and said "cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"
Heard the phrase 'one man's trash is another man's treasure'? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy you've worked out it is ak but what is 59 minis 12. Timmy shakes his head not knowing the teacher asks how about ak 49 minus 2? Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells What comes after ak Timmy!? The white kid at the back stands shouts 47 and pulls the trigger.
A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser. The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore