Shower thoughts

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Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst."

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch

What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot“.

A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erect*on?” Wife: “ok... what is it?” Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now”.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board

“No I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken”.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

If a blind person can’t see then, do they sleep?

They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty

Put Hellen Keller in Gorge Floyd’s position. How is she cry out for help would she just moan or would she try to do sign language?