Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
Shower thoughts
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
What’s the difference between Batman and the Black Panther?
Batman returns.
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?
Gonorrhea.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
What bee doesn’t fly properly?
Kobe.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75
I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
How do you cure a ginger
Chemotherapy
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What do gingers miss most at a grate party?
The invitation.
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"