Shower thoughts

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When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"