How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
GG Miller
@ggmiller
If you're feeling depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet
What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”