Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
GG Miller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
"Yo mama's so fat that when she farts, Al Gore accuses her of global warming."
"Yo mama is so fat she jumped to the air and got stuck
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.
Yo mama's so stupid, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off
Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she grabbed a bowl.
Yo mama's so fat, when God said, “Let there be light,” he asked her to move out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat, Thanos had to clap.
What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.
What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.