A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
GG Miller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
"What did the mom broom say to the baby broom? Go to sweep!"
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.