englishcm

Have you seen the inside of Ford's theatre it will blow your mind~abraham Lincoln

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end the lifeguard saw me blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing

Woman gets pulled over by a cop Cop: ma'am have you been drink Lady: no officer Cop: what's that in your cup then ma'am Lady: just water officer Cop: looks like wine to me Lady: oh my god Jesus did it again

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk

People shouldn't worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes it's not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them or even a place to charge them even if they did have 1

I've been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me I can't remember where I buried them

Opinions are like orgasms.the only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.