englishcm

3 followers

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it

Have you driven through Dealey plaza it will blow your mind~john f. Kennedy

Have you seen the inside of Ford’s theatre it will blow your mind~abraham Lincoln

Husband:can we try anal tonight Wife: fuck that shit Husband:that’s the spirit

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars. Then lady’s you should be willing to give up uranus

Jack and Jill went up the hill so jacK could lick Jill’s candy jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill’s real name is randy

Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end the lifeguard saw me blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy

God died for your sins, so basically if you don’t sin then Jesus died for nothing

Woman gets pulled over by a cop Cop: ma’am have you been drink Lady: no officer Cop: what’s that in your cup then ma’am Lady: just water officer Cop: looks like wine to me Lady: oh my god Jesus did it again

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don’t believe me I can pop my trunk

Roses are red violets are blue I’m stroking my dick and thinking of you

People shouldn’t worry about how orphans would feel reading these jokes it’s not like they have parents to buy them a phone or computer to see them or even a place to charge them even if they did have 1

Dark humor is like pussy whining bitches don’t get it

I’ve been looking for my parents for years. For the life of me I can’t remember where I buried them

Opinions are like orgasms.the only one that matters is mine and I don’t care if you have one.