Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Prank

    • As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

    "It was just a prank bro."

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    • Waiter

    • I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

    Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

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    • Orphan

    • Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?

    Because they don't have father's and mother's days.

    Thief

    • Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

    Doctors hope you get sick.

    Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

    But only thieves wish you prosperity.

    Weird?

    Woman

    • A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

    Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

    "Our wedding video."

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    • Shooting

    • Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

    Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

    Couple

    • A young couple gets banned from church.

    There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

    After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

    Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

    Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

    "We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

    "I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

    "We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

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    • Pastor

    • This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.

    He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

    He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

    An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

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