I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair

Guess who likes vegetables now?

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like “JUST OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND CLOSE YOUR EYES”

What's the difference between saying bloody in America and in the U.K?

In the U.K, it's a swear word

In America, it's a family reunion

A mother and son were in the backyard and the son finished building a shed. The mother says "You're the best husband ever"

A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off

Want to know how joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back