Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were. Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."
The teacher asked a young boy in primary school "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
To which the boy replies "No"
The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.
At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks "Can you tell me the alphabet?"
"Shut up" she replied
The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks "Can you teach me the alphabet?"
But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.
But his brother is singing "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.
But his sister is singing "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.
The boy replies "Shut up."
"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."
The boy replies "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"
In the office, the principal says "who do you think you are?"
The boy replies "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"
The principal now says "how do you think you'll get away with this?"
The boy them replies "In my big red car, in my big red car!"
wat do orphans go to church so they can call some won father.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire? He won the F1 Wheelchair race
Why don't nurse's like giving old people bath or showers Because they don't won't their vegetables to get soggy.
My friends man has seegures so goes who won their break dancing tournament
Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?" Bob says, "Umm No-" Fred then says, "Ah okay then I won't spread it."
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today. Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.
Bo - hey kids I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power so I am just going to be a orphan *kids changing the channel to Annie* Annie- Tomorrow tomorrow only a day away * TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go Dezzy- WAAAAAAAAAA I can’t find Bo
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
What is the continent that AWAYS sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and that is so tired that it won’t wake up? Eur-ope
i want to die to see the other side but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.
You might be innocent but if you carry a large sum of cash in public the cops won’t believe that
Hey man what's that a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok well hold it over I'll give it right back oh no i won't oh yes you will oh i won't oh yes you will ok fine then you take it or all blow our your butt before it farts.
