pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
i pushed a kid in a wheel chair into a fire. now we call him hot wheel
We forge the chains we wear in life.
Hi welcome, to June's Orphanage you make them we bake them how can I help you.
We need to stop making orphan jokes like this because they aren’t mean enough. We need more cruel jokes.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
there was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time) so i said i made a chemical reaction with his mom last night
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
Sorry to take your time today for a few minutes. We are cool, but not the best.
We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
What does one boob say to the other boob
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
(amazing pick up line) Yoo, what if we got matching tattoos? You get two towers and I get a plane, because I crashed right into your life!
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair so we are playing Rocket League.
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
