Twos jokes
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
If BlessedBrian were any more two-faced, he’d be a Rubik’s Cube.
I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀